How I Honored My Values and Respected My Boundaries Around Marriage and Business
I did a search to see when the last time it was that I posted in a FB group relevant to my niche. I found that it was the end of June. So that means all of July, August and now the beginning of September . That’s about 10 weeks of internal reflection without posting in any Facebook groups, well except my own. June’s around the time I realized I had to take a step back from my own business goals to support my husband’s new business. I can’t say I made the decision all at once or head in with the full awareness of what I was doing. I think I was pulled by the hair just a little bit with constant reminders of “now…this is your business not mine remember” More so trying to convince myself and not him…
I decided to step back from goals and begin to support him with his business little by little and day by day and soon realized that it was what I meant to do. At first, I struggled with the idea of letting go of my own desires and passions and putting myself on the back burner once again. You know how we moms tend to put ourselves last and we are so quick to put down what we are working on in efforts to help everyone else and solve everyone else’s problems. Initially I struggled with this being the theme of my life for the summer. I wrestled with the idea of putting 20 plus hours into my husband’s business and I worried about taking on too much, where eventually his business would become our business. But what was I really running away from or what was I really resistant to.
It was the idea of boundaries…I wanted to establish the boundary of having a business of my own. But then I was reminded that “my business” isn’t even the right term. It’s HIS (God’s) business. So I had to re-evaluate my over-arching goal for our family. That goal has always been freedom, flexibility and finances. Was helping my husband taking me away from the bigger goal at hand? Was laying aside my own desires and hard work really suffocating me from operating as the entrepreneur and leader that I was. I had to have a change of heart and say no.
Putting “My business” to the side really gave me an opportunity to live up to one of my values and that was “family first no matter what!” Hey this is what I teach in my coaching. How to live an authentic life that reflects our values and beliefs. And you know what it’s been so rewarding!
It’s been rewarding:
to be in a position to train and motivate my husband
to be in a place where I could choose to slow down on my business and honor my commitment to my husband
to experience working together and encouraging each other
to watch my husband, try his best and grow in something totally out of his comfort zone
to experience his growth in the insurance industry (he’s an expert at the presentation now)
to give my children the opportunity to become a little more independent
to have my children grow closer as they couldn’t rely on me being there 24/7
to see our faith in God, grow (because starting a new business is hard and we were lacking the security of having a savings, writing another post on that soon) why we should have had a savings before embarking on our new business venture and how we’ll have a second go around)
Sometimes we talk about honoring our values and living an authentic life full of purpose but what about when it comes at cost to you? What if it means investing in someone else to help them grow? I would have been a hypocrite to the message that I share and put out had not stepped back from my own business and helped my husband with his. And no I didn’t take these actions to avoid being a hypocrite. I was actually pretty reistant and it took some time for reflection and again day by day actions of showing up for him that helped me to see it differently.
Back to boundaries, no I didn’t just let my boundaries go all together. No I didn’t just fold and give up on myself and adopt my husband’s dream. I created parameters for success. We put a timeline on how long I would be helping him to build confidence in his new role as an independent insurance agent. I committed to putting my business to the side up until school started (we homeschool by the way) and then I we decided how I would ween myself out of being present. So two weeks of going MWF, the two more weeks of going T/TH and then going out one day a week to be a continued support. You see I’ve been a licensed insurance agent for 10 years now (ok I may have let it lapse a time or two but you get my point) so my sales objection fighting skill were needed in order to help my husband build confidence to even try something new and I wasn’t going to withhold that from him. Not at time like this when he needed me the most.
After all this wonderful awareness and gratitude toward how we decided to work through all of this, lo and behold my husband came to a realization that acting as an independent agent which really means being responsible for his own activity just like a business owner would wasn’t really a good idea for us afterall. So, in the end I got the opportunity to work alongside my husband and truly be a great support to him affording him the flexibility to try a new career path in his life. That’s truly a gift and warms my heart to have played a role in his life like this when he has truly sacrificed so much for this country and our family. We did this with grace, peace, and faith all while honoring are values and beliefs and I get to be full on with my business again. Yippeee!!
Here’s to more writing, increasing my audience, more makeup artistry gigs, and creating wonderful coaching packages for multi-passionate women of faith who are looking to operate in a more authentic and purposeful life and business. Your soulpurpose is waiting on you to show up lady!!!
I wonder sometimes because these situations are always matters of the heart. What if I would have had an attitude? What it I wouldn’t have had a gracious giving heart in the area of my time and talent with the willingness to put my desires on hold for a time and maturely and creatively create boundaries around how to move forward? What If I had to go through this lesson all over again?
I just thank God that he blessed us with the wisdom to navigate this difficult time and that he brought us out stronger than ever. You know what I’m reminded that it was God’s time, God’s talent and I let him use me as he saw fit. That was the beauty in all of this. Check out my 10-Day Now…That’s a Beautiful You Mindset Makeover Charge!