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The girl that did what she was told

I’m the girl that did what she was told.

Not only did I do what I was told but there was a part of me that did this so well, that no one knew I was dying on the inside.

I followed the much expected path laid out for my life by family and friends. During this time, I was rotting with bitterness, regret, and nothing but negativity; always thinking and focusing on why the things I wanted out of life would never ever work out for me.

I went to church like I was told, I went to school like I was told, got my degrees like I was told, and found some pretty good jobs to match. Still I looked at other people who had “CAREERS” and felt like I didn’t match up.

Here I was, with a Bachelor in Psychology and a Master’s in Counseling with a concentration in Business. There had to be something wrong with me because I followed the expected path and I still felt incomplete, like a part of me was missing. I felt unsatisfied and lonely, I griped, I complained, I was negative, and a not-so-fun person to be around.

This was all because I was too afraid to give myself permission to dream bigger dreams than the expected path laid before me.

Then, one day, I sat on my couch and I day-dreamed about what success could look like for me. I remember it was only for a minute or two. But, along the way, (some would say ‘the long way’), I’ve been able to align my dream with my values.

My titles now, are nothing remotely close to what friends and family expected. In fact, the first times I uttered Professional Certified Published Makeup Artist and  Mindset & Strategy Coach, it felt surreal. I felt like a fraud.

I used to beat myself up for creating these positions and giving myself these titles. I even paused while typing them in this about me section. One thing I do know, is that I am so much more than these titles. I have a much bigger message to share with those of you that want to break out of the box and give yourself permission to dream bigger.

More importantly:

I remember being a little girl in church and feeling like everyone was ‘putting on’. I remember people existing with a form of Godliness. They were satisfied! I felt these inconsistencies for a long time as a young child. I’m thankful that I did not allow those experiences to turn me away from a loving God and Savior. I rededicated my life to God in 2009 and from there my life has changed drastically. The lessons and tools that I share on Embracing Who You Really Are, Self-Worth, Confidence, Finding Your Voice, Guarding Your Energies, Connecting Authentically, Healing, and Abundance are all rooted in my choice and experience to accept God as the Lord over my life, my relationship with Jesus Christ, and my accepting of the Holy Spirit to work on my behalf as a child of God. I call this co-creating miracles in my life with God and co-designing my lifestyle with God!

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2 Responses

  1. This was just SO true for me Justina, It has taken me most of my life to try to live my authentic life and not fit into everyone elses expectations, especially those of the church!

    • I see layers to this for sure. Society’s expectations in of itself and then the added layer of religion. Spirituality can be freeing or put you in bondage. I’m so happy that you embracing this concept of living from an authentic standpoint. It’s so critical to our creativity and our purpose! Living authentically is both scary and so rewarding at the same time. Thank you for the comment and hope to continue seeing you over the FB group http://www.facebook.com/groups/purposefulpursuit

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